2/3 walls of the nursery are painted a light yellow cream. The 3rd walk has its first coat of a buttery yellow and then will add horizontal grey stripes. This is the only room that has never been painted. Baby girl REALLY wanted to help. There was hardly enough room for me with everything pushed to the center of the room let alone a small child "helping." DH took her to the store then swimming while I painted. When they returned she wanted to see it. "Where is the red?!" The disappointment palpable in her voice. No red- yellow. "Will there be red later?" She still isn't over the lack of red. I kept trying to tell her red was an angry color not a good nursery color.... She wasn't convinced. I think a pink room might be in her future.
Tuesday is our foster information session. I called social services last week and an application is in the mail. I'm ready- DH is almost there.
Saturday, November 28, 2015
Monday, November 2, 2015
Some Days are Better Then Others
Tonight I read a significant chunk of my blog that I wrote prior to Baby Girls birth. Reading the posts that lead up to the day we got the call. Its funny there are at least three posts the week she was born but we didn't know about her yet.
This is our second time around waiting. You would think it would be easier. Easier because I have concrete proof that the wait is worth it. I have the most amazing little girl that I'm lucky enough to be known as Mom to. Most days are easier then last time around I think. I have fewer days to think about where I am at in the waiting.
November however marks two years of waiting. That doesn't include the at least month it took us to get all of our paper work together. The cute toddler that donned the sweet shirt that announced "Waiting for my promotion to BIG sister" no longer fits that sweet baby girl. Now when we talk to her about the baby we are waiting for she understands what a baby is. Before we had to bring it up. Now she asks "When is MY baby coming?" I wish I just knew.
At what point to we start warming her up to the idea that we might end our wait. How do you tell a child- we waited long enough. The age gap is too large. Its just you babe!
That hasn't changed. If I just knew- 6 months, 3 months a year. I don't care I just want to know! A few times I have thought I'm motivated to paint the office/nursery. Then I think- whats the point. Its the only room in the house that has never been painted in our six years living here. Its time to paint it just because its time to paint it. I drag my feet because - what is the point? Its a room that no one sees except me when I'm doing work from home.
Some days are better then others... truthfully most days are good.
This is our second time around waiting. You would think it would be easier. Easier because I have concrete proof that the wait is worth it. I have the most amazing little girl that I'm lucky enough to be known as Mom to. Most days are easier then last time around I think. I have fewer days to think about where I am at in the waiting.
November however marks two years of waiting. That doesn't include the at least month it took us to get all of our paper work together. The cute toddler that donned the sweet shirt that announced "Waiting for my promotion to BIG sister" no longer fits that sweet baby girl. Now when we talk to her about the baby we are waiting for she understands what a baby is. Before we had to bring it up. Now she asks "When is MY baby coming?" I wish I just knew.
At what point to we start warming her up to the idea that we might end our wait. How do you tell a child- we waited long enough. The age gap is too large. Its just you babe!
That hasn't changed. If I just knew- 6 months, 3 months a year. I don't care I just want to know! A few times I have thought I'm motivated to paint the office/nursery. Then I think- whats the point. Its the only room in the house that has never been painted in our six years living here. Its time to paint it just because its time to paint it. I drag my feet because - what is the point? Its a room that no one sees except me when I'm doing work from home.
Some days are better then others... truthfully most days are good.
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
Options
Yesterday we submitted our options check list and today our agency sent our home study to an agency out of state. The agency is in line with our values (pre/post counseling, assistance with facilitation of semi-open/open adoption). We have made contact with family in that state that will be willing to host us if we are matched in that state.
Baby Girl isn't a baby anymore she will be 4 in January. We are starting to wonder about age gaps and what is right for us. We without a doubt will remain active in 2016 but can't speak with certainty about 2017 if we are still waiting.
Baby Girl isn't a baby anymore she will be 4 in January. We are starting to wonder about age gaps and what is right for us. We without a doubt will remain active in 2016 but can't speak with certainty about 2017 if we are still waiting.
Monday, October 12, 2015
New Path
Tomorrow we are revisiting a path that we explored before- Foster to Adopt.
Unfortunately there is a great demand for Foster parents. Given the current dynamics of the increase in drug use/dependence as well as a broken social services system more and more children are being placed. In our state more children have been taken into protective custody then any other year. I believe this is two fold- we had at least three children I can think of die after being reunited with their biological mothers and we have a high per capita ratio of drug users.
So what does that mean for us?
I'm more open to the DH is to exploring foster to adopt. Baby girl will be four in January and we have agreed that Five is likely our limit for an age gap between our children. This means that if we wait for a domestic infant adoption placement we may withdraw our application without becoming parents to #2. All that waiting- for nothing.
I also feel open to the idea of being a nurturing place for a child while it waits for their parents to regain control of their lives. DH looks at is as they are getting out of parenting. I look at it as- being a parent is hard and trying to pull your life back together while parenting would feel impossible to me.
Not every parent that makes this attempt is sucessful. D had her chances with her first two children and for Baby Girl made a plan to place rather than having the state create her plan for her. Not everyone is at that place and I think its only fair for everyone (child/parent) for them to be given the opportunity to succeed.
We are going to a meeting tomorrow to gain information. I truly hope that he can see what I see. An opportunity to make a difference in a childs life with the distinct possibility that one of the children that passess thru our doors becomes our child.
** As I write this I realize the great juxtaposition in feelings there are. While my desire would be for a childs parents to be successful children that are placed in families that are open to adoption are those that are lease likely to be successful. With domestic infant adoption what I have always grappled with the most is the idea that for me to become a Mom means another Mother has to place trust in me with her child. In Foster care that control is removed. While I know I'm worthy of this trust it will be even harder knowing that that trust was not given to me by the person that matters most**
***In DH defense he works with children that are in foster care on a regular basis thru his job. Granted these children are older and have been tossed around and for good reason are angry. Due to this his frame of reference is one that is not positive- but I challenge him to wonder what your middle or high school students would be like if the system worked and provided them stability before they were 2?***
Unfortunately there is a great demand for Foster parents. Given the current dynamics of the increase in drug use/dependence as well as a broken social services system more and more children are being placed. In our state more children have been taken into protective custody then any other year. I believe this is two fold- we had at least three children I can think of die after being reunited with their biological mothers and we have a high per capita ratio of drug users.
So what does that mean for us?
I'm more open to the DH is to exploring foster to adopt. Baby girl will be four in January and we have agreed that Five is likely our limit for an age gap between our children. This means that if we wait for a domestic infant adoption placement we may withdraw our application without becoming parents to #2. All that waiting- for nothing.
I also feel open to the idea of being a nurturing place for a child while it waits for their parents to regain control of their lives. DH looks at is as they are getting out of parenting. I look at it as- being a parent is hard and trying to pull your life back together while parenting would feel impossible to me.
Not every parent that makes this attempt is sucessful. D had her chances with her first two children and for Baby Girl made a plan to place rather than having the state create her plan for her. Not everyone is at that place and I think its only fair for everyone (child/parent) for them to be given the opportunity to succeed.
We are going to a meeting tomorrow to gain information. I truly hope that he can see what I see. An opportunity to make a difference in a childs life with the distinct possibility that one of the children that passess thru our doors becomes our child.
** As I write this I realize the great juxtaposition in feelings there are. While my desire would be for a childs parents to be successful children that are placed in families that are open to adoption are those that are lease likely to be successful. With domestic infant adoption what I have always grappled with the most is the idea that for me to become a Mom means another Mother has to place trust in me with her child. In Foster care that control is removed. While I know I'm worthy of this trust it will be even harder knowing that that trust was not given to me by the person that matters most**
***In DH defense he works with children that are in foster care on a regular basis thru his job. Granted these children are older and have been tossed around and for good reason are angry. Due to this his frame of reference is one that is not positive- but I challenge him to wonder what your middle or high school students would be like if the system worked and provided them stability before they were 2?***
Friday, October 9, 2015
"I love all my names"
Tonight we were talking about names. My name DH name and baby girls name. How we all shared the same last name. How baby girl has many names. Besides nick names she has 4 names. We told her how she got each of her name. She liked the idea that she shared names with both D and us. She concluded the conversation by saying "I love all of my names!"
Today we made her Halloween costume. Her birth family loves this holiday. Halloween growing up for me was something we preped for just days before (or even the day of). I never would imagine getting her costume ready weeks before. We skyped with them this week and I knew they would want to know what she would be. Good thing she has know for at least a month what she wanted to be - a butterfly. Funny how birth families influence our family and are able to include her in their traditions.
Thursday, October 1, 2015
I'm Getting Married
"I'm getting married mama." As she points to my profile picture. In the picture is DH and me smiling down on baby girl as she 'signs' her adoption decree. I explain to her that no she is getting adopted. I asked her if she knew what the word adoption meant. She said no. I explained to her that on her adoption day we all agreed to live each other for always and that made us a family. She paused, pointed at the picture and said "I'm getting married."
The funny thing I get where she is coming from. Earlier in the summer she went to her first wedding and I explained it by telling her that when two people love each other very much they stand in front of everyone and tell each other that they will love each other for always. Just like adoption marriage is a legal commitment made to all parties to love each other for always.
The big difference is - someday kid you are moving out.
The funny thing I get where she is coming from. Earlier in the summer she went to her first wedding and I explained it by telling her that when two people love each other very much they stand in front of everyone and tell each other that they will love each other for always. Just like adoption marriage is a legal commitment made to all parties to love each other for always.
The big difference is - someday kid you are moving out.
Friday, August 7, 2015
Home Study Update
The home study update came in the mail yesterday. I knew it was going to arrive soon. I even almost called the agency to find out where it was at since some years they have forgotten. I'm not sure if it was because Baby Girl was sick and thus I was tired, maybe I'm a little hormonal, the stress of some job changes that are fast approaching, the fact that my husbands car needed to go to the shop and it didn't sound good OR just the fact that the package arrived at all... but I was moved to tears. Tears of frustration that it hasn't happened yet. Tears of self pity because I just dont want to subject my self to fingerprints again. Tears of anxiety from the unknown. Tears of stress from the many life changes about to occur in our lives some at known and some at unknown times. Most likely they were tears of frustration, pity, anxiety and stress.
The package is a reminder that another year has passed. The cute Baby Girl that we couldn't keep still for her "Waiting for my Promotion" photo shoot is now a girl who wants to know when this baby is arriving. The sweet Baby Girl is now too big for her "Waiting for my Promotion" shirt I made for her. Our lives are moving faster and faster away from the lives of parents of a small child and most days we are the parents of a Girl.
The package is a reminder that literally at any day we still could get the call. Our lives will be stopped and the direction will change. I'm in the process of moving towards school based therapy which means on the plus side I will have summers and holidays off. The down side is that I am starting at new jobs that have no obligation to provide me with time off as they are part time. I can't sit and wait forever though. 12 weeks off with Baby Girl was amazing. Having to work Thanksgiving and Easter not so much. My new path will allow us to take time for adventures and ensure that I will always be home on Christmas morning. I will take some time off and maybe flex hours around but it will not be 12 weeks unless this bugger can arrive at the start of summer vacation- wouldn't that be perfect timing? We are talking about real life though...
While Baby Girl gets older I see advantages to having an age gap. Like my sisters and I we never overlapped in high school or college. This meant we each had high school to ourselves. It also meant my parents were not paying for two college degrees at once. Baby Girl will be able to self entertain at times and will want to help. She also will realize the disruption this baby will bring to her life.
The package itself took me an hour to finish including figuring out how to log into accounts we rarely log into. The fingerprint appointment is scheduled. I'll have DH drop off the health forms. In a few short weeks we will be back to our usual waiting. It just sometimes seem like its forever... then I remember that I'm OK with waiting until next summer. June 1st.
The package is a reminder that another year has passed. The cute Baby Girl that we couldn't keep still for her "Waiting for my Promotion" photo shoot is now a girl who wants to know when this baby is arriving. The sweet Baby Girl is now too big for her "Waiting for my Promotion" shirt I made for her. Our lives are moving faster and faster away from the lives of parents of a small child and most days we are the parents of a Girl.
The package is a reminder that literally at any day we still could get the call. Our lives will be stopped and the direction will change. I'm in the process of moving towards school based therapy which means on the plus side I will have summers and holidays off. The down side is that I am starting at new jobs that have no obligation to provide me with time off as they are part time. I can't sit and wait forever though. 12 weeks off with Baby Girl was amazing. Having to work Thanksgiving and Easter not so much. My new path will allow us to take time for adventures and ensure that I will always be home on Christmas morning. I will take some time off and maybe flex hours around but it will not be 12 weeks unless this bugger can arrive at the start of summer vacation- wouldn't that be perfect timing? We are talking about real life though...
While Baby Girl gets older I see advantages to having an age gap. Like my sisters and I we never overlapped in high school or college. This meant we each had high school to ourselves. It also meant my parents were not paying for two college degrees at once. Baby Girl will be able to self entertain at times and will want to help. She also will realize the disruption this baby will bring to her life.
The package itself took me an hour to finish including figuring out how to log into accounts we rarely log into. The fingerprint appointment is scheduled. I'll have DH drop off the health forms. In a few short weeks we will be back to our usual waiting. It just sometimes seem like its forever... then I remember that I'm OK with waiting until next summer. June 1st.
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