The home study update came in the mail yesterday. I knew it was going to arrive soon. I even almost called the agency to find out where it was at since some years they have forgotten. I'm not sure if it was because Baby Girl was sick and thus I was tired, maybe I'm a little hormonal, the stress of some job changes that are fast approaching, the fact that my husbands car needed to go to the shop and it didn't sound good OR just the fact that the package arrived at all... but I was moved to tears. Tears of frustration that it hasn't happened yet. Tears of self pity because I just dont want to subject my self to fingerprints again. Tears of anxiety from the unknown. Tears of stress from the many life changes about to occur in our lives some at known and some at unknown times. Most likely they were tears of frustration, pity, anxiety and stress.
The package is a reminder that another year has passed. The cute Baby Girl that we couldn't keep still for her "Waiting for my Promotion" photo shoot is now a girl who wants to know when this baby is arriving. The sweet Baby Girl is now too big for her "Waiting for my Promotion" shirt I made for her. Our lives are moving faster and faster away from the lives of parents of a small child and most days we are the parents of a Girl.
The package is a reminder that literally at any day we still could get the call. Our lives will be stopped and the direction will change. I'm in the process of moving towards school based therapy which means on the plus side I will have summers and holidays off. The down side is that I am starting at new jobs that have no obligation to provide me with time off as they are part time. I can't sit and wait forever though. 12 weeks off with Baby Girl was amazing. Having to work Thanksgiving and Easter not so much. My new path will allow us to take time for adventures and ensure that I will always be home on Christmas morning. I will take some time off and maybe flex hours around but it will not be 12 weeks unless this bugger can arrive at the start of summer vacation- wouldn't that be perfect timing? We are talking about real life though...
While Baby Girl gets older I see advantages to having an age gap. Like my sisters and I we never overlapped in high school or college. This meant we each had high school to ourselves. It also meant my parents were not paying for two college degrees at once. Baby Girl will be able to self entertain at times and will want to help. She also will realize the disruption this baby will bring to her life.
The package itself took me an hour to finish including figuring out how to log into accounts we rarely log into. The fingerprint appointment is scheduled. I'll have DH drop off the health forms. In a few short weeks we will be back to our usual waiting. It just sometimes seem like its forever... then I remember that I'm OK with waiting until next summer. June 1st.