Sunday, November 29, 2015

Oh.. Does she.... Is it..

Today I had to go get extra paint.  Naturally the woman checking us out at the register asked "Love this color- what are you painting?"
"A nursery I replied."
"For you?" confused look.
"When are you due?" she asked.
"Any day."  Another confused look.  "We are adopting."
 "Oh- from where" (my favorite question).
"I dont know- depends on where they are born."
 "Oh- well when?"
"I dont know it depends on when we get the call."  I replied
"So you just get a call?"
"Yes- we could get a call and the baby could be already a week old like Baby Girl or the mother could be due on a few weeks."  *as soon as Baby Girls name came out I wanted to kick myself
"Oh.... Does she... Is it..."
"Yes she is adopted and she knows."
"Oh of course.  Well I hope the baby comes soon- maybe before Christmas."
(Maybe I think.... but probably not.)

In the car today we had our first discussion about how Baby Girl might choose to keep her birthstory private or might choose to share it.  It may even depend on who she is talking to.  She seemed confused about why she would want to keep D a secret.  I guess someday she will understand that she understands adoption far better than the adults around her and sometimes it's not worth answering so many questions about your life.

Saturday, November 28, 2015


2/3 walls of the nursery are painted a light yellow cream.  The 3rd walk has its first coat of a buttery yellow and then will add horizontal grey stripes.  This is the only room that has never been painted.  Baby girl REALLY wanted to help.  There was hardly enough room for me with everything pushed to the center of the room let alone a small child "helping."  DH took her to the store then swimming while I painted.  When they returned she wanted to see it.  "Where is the red?!" The disappointment palpable in her voice.  No red- yellow.  "Will there be red later?"  She still isn't over the lack of red.  I kept trying to tell her red was an angry color not a good nursery color.... She wasn't convinced.  I think a pink room might be in her future.

Tuesday is our foster information session.  I called social services last week and an application is in the mail.  I'm ready- DH is almost there.

Monday, November 2, 2015

Some Days are Better Then Others

Tonight I read a significant chunk of my blog that I wrote prior to Baby Girls birth.  Reading the posts that lead up to the day we got the call.  Its funny there are at least three posts the week she was born but we didn't know about her yet.

This is our second time around waiting.  You would think it would be easier.  Easier because I have concrete proof that the wait is worth it.  I have the most amazing little girl that I'm lucky enough to be known as Mom to.  Most days are easier then last time around I think.  I have fewer days to think about where I am at in the waiting.

November however marks two years of waiting.  That doesn't include the at least month it took us to get all of our paper work together.  The cute toddler that donned the sweet shirt that announced "Waiting for my promotion to BIG sister" no longer fits that sweet baby girl.  Now when we talk to her about the baby we are waiting for she understands what a baby is.  Before we had to bring it up.  Now she asks "When is MY baby coming?"  I wish I just knew.

At what point to we start warming her up to the idea that we might end our wait.  How do you tell a child- we waited long enough.  The age gap is too large.  Its just you babe!

That hasn't changed.  If I just knew- 6 months, 3 months a year.  I don't care I just want to know!  A few times I have thought I'm motivated to paint the office/nursery.  Then I think- whats the point.  Its the only room in the house that has never been painted in our six years living here.  Its time to paint it just because its time to paint it.  I drag my feet because - what is the point?  Its a room that no one sees except me when I'm doing work from home.

Some days are better then others... truthfully most days are good.