Wednesday, October 28, 2015


Yesterday we submitted our options check list and today our agency sent our home study to an agency out of state.  The agency is in line with our values (pre/post counseling, assistance with facilitation of semi-open/open adoption).  We have made contact with family in that state that will be willing to host us if we are matched in that state.

Baby Girl isn't a baby anymore she will be 4 in January.  We are starting to wonder about age gaps and what is right for us.  We without a doubt will remain active in 2016 but can't speak with certainty about 2017 if we are still waiting.

Monday, October 12, 2015

New Path

Tomorrow we are revisiting a path that we explored before- Foster to Adopt.

Unfortunately there is a great demand for Foster parents.  Given the current dynamics of the increase in drug use/dependence as well as a broken social services system more and more children are being placed.  In our state more children have been taken into protective custody then any other year.  I believe this is two fold- we had at least three children I can think of die after being reunited with their biological mothers and we have a high per capita ratio of drug users.

So what does that mean for us?

I'm more open to the DH is to exploring foster to adopt.  Baby girl will be four in January and we have agreed that Five is likely our limit for an age gap between our children.  This means that if we wait for a domestic infant adoption placement we may withdraw our application without becoming parents to #2.  All that waiting- for nothing.

I also feel open to the idea of being a nurturing place for a child while it waits for their parents to regain control of their lives.  DH looks at is as they are getting out of parenting.  I look at it as- being a parent is hard and trying to pull your life back together while parenting would feel impossible to me.

Not every parent that makes this attempt is sucessful.  D had her chances with her first two children and for Baby Girl made a plan to place rather than having the state create her plan for her.  Not everyone is at that place and I think its only fair for everyone (child/parent) for them to be given the opportunity to succeed.

We are going to a meeting tomorrow to gain information.  I truly hope that he can see what I see.  An opportunity to make a difference in a childs life with the distinct possibility that one of the children that passess thru our doors becomes our child.

** As I write this I realize the great juxtaposition in feelings there are.  While my desire would be for a childs parents to be successful children that are placed in families that are open to adoption are those that are lease likely to be successful.  With domestic infant adoption what I have always grappled with the most is the idea that for me to become a Mom means another Mother has to place trust in me with her child.  In Foster care that control is removed.  While I know I'm worthy of this trust it will be even harder knowing that that trust was not given to me by the person that matters most**

***In DH defense he works with children that are in foster care on a regular basis thru his job.  Granted these children are older and have been tossed around and for good reason are angry.  Due to this his frame of reference is one that is not positive- but I challenge him to wonder what your middle or high school students would be like if the system worked and provided them stability before they were 2?***

Friday, October 9, 2015

"I love all my names"

Tonight we were talking about names.  My name DH name and baby girls name.  How we all shared the same last name.  How baby girl has many names.  Besides nick names she has 4 names.  We told her how she got each of her name.  She liked the idea that she shared names with both D and us.  She concluded the conversation by saying "I love all of my names!"

Today we made her Halloween costume.  Her birth family loves this holiday.  Halloween growing up for me was something we preped for just days before (or even the day of).  I never would imagine getting her costume ready weeks before.  We skyped with them this week and I knew they would want to know what she would be.  Good thing she has know for at least a month what she wanted to be - a butterfly.  Funny how birth families influence our family and are able to include her in their traditions.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

I'm Getting Married

"I'm getting married mama."  As she points to my profile picture.  In the picture is DH and me smiling down on baby girl as she 'signs' her adoption decree.  I explain to her that no she is getting adopted.  I asked her if she knew what the word adoption meant.  She said no.  I explained to her that on her adoption day we all agreed to live each other for always and that made us a family.  She paused, pointed at the picture and said "I'm getting married."

The funny thing I get where she is coming from.  Earlier in the summer she went to her first wedding and I explained it by telling her that when two people love each other very much they stand in front of everyone and tell each other that they will love each other for always.  Just like adoption marriage is a legal commitment made to all parties to love each other for always.

The big difference is - someday kid you are moving out.