Monday, March 18, 2013

Parenting parents

Last week Wednesday my mother fell and broke her leg.  I'm now juggling phone calls w my sisters, and parents; work and my dear Baby Girl with another ear infection.

From 1500 miles away I'm trying to help navigate the crazy world of medicare.  I fortunately work under the rule of crazy land law aka medicare so I can help navigate but it is so much more frustrating to deal with when its your own loved one.  The surgery to fix the fracture looks like it went well but now we are looking for rehab.  Its crazy but she is doing "too well" and wont be "skilled" for the course of her treatment; while on the other hand she can't walk more then 5 feet, can't toilet on her own, can't dress or bath independently- how is this OK?!  I'm trying to coach my father on not accepting anything less then her prior level of function while he just wants her home.

I spoke with my mom who has a UTI tonight who was in tears saying she just wanted out of the rural area they moved to because of my Dad getting laid off three years ago.

Its no fun.  I signed up to be a Mom but I didn't anticipate being a Mom to my parents.

Monday, March 11, 2013

Pick up Time

I normally drop Baby Girl off at daycare but today I had the pleasure of picking her up.  When I drop her off she can't wait to be put down and start exploring.  The smile I get when she turns around and sees me at the end of the day just melts my heart.  I'm so lucky to see her smile each and every day.

Her little quirks like when she is about to do something wrong she shakes her head no first.  Her waddle run as she casually left me in the dust when leaving daycare.  On the ride home she giggled and shrieked - I'm not exactly sure at what but her sounds are music to my ears.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Cornered the Market on Post Partum

Sometimes I think women who birth their children think they have cornered the market on motherhood.  Their hormones are the reason for everything.

Maybe I take it all too personally because I at one time I so badly wanted to be part of that club.  I do feel left out of birth conversations.  A coworkers sister wanted a home birth (which I also would have wanted) but all of my coworkers were saying what a horrible idea that was.  I didn't say anything about having wanted a home birth of my own.  If I had said something I feared they would essentially have told me I was "lucky" never to get pregnant then.

There is a lot about mental health and post partum symptoms.  Today there was a news report on a research study that indicated that OCD symtoms increased post partum.  The theory was the after birth hormones.

Well I never gave birth and I can tell you I'm certain I had some OCD tendencies after I got the call.  I called the hospital obsessively and the closer we got to going home the worse it got.  It was if I called whenever I woke up in the middle of the night somehow it would keep her from failing over night.  I had rituals while I was at the hospital.  My schedule was not habitual- it was obsessive- literally to the minute.  Although it was required for all parents to wash their hands entering and exiting the unit I would always use the surgical scrub that was not mandated for Baby Girl since she wasn't in an obsolete.  I know a few times on weekends they ran out and it made me feel anxious. I ate the exact same thing every day (yes some of it because of lack of refrigeration but also control).  I needed control.  I needed to ensure her safety.  I needed to keep my routine to get her home as fast as possible.  I felt like I was going crazy.

Once Baby Girl was home I had fewer tendencies I think in large part because I had regained some control of our lives.  I would still inspect the baby bottle tops before I gave them too her.  Again I think control.  I couldn't give her breast milk but I could ensure her bottle was spotless and sanitized.

Post Partum depression is all over the news as well.  I didn't hear about adoptive parent post partum prior to baby girls birth but I did at some point over the summer when I finally googled it.  We hear so much about post partum of the traditional sense but I began to wonder about adoptive parents.

For me I felt like I had waited for SO long for this baby.  She arrived.  It wasn't peaches and cream!  It sucked.  It was hard.  I hated breast feeding.  I cried.  I didn't sleep well.  Although I loved her instantly I didn't connect with her until a few weeks after we were home.  It was hard for me to fully love a baby that was not mine yet.  For a while it was like taking care of someone else's child.  Babysitting.  Waiting for her parents to show up.

I was embarrassed.

I dont think I had post partum but I definitely needed time to adjust mentally to my new role.  That I really was a Mom.  It was a while before I identified myself as Mom.  At the same time I responded to the name Mom and I referred to myself as her Mom.  I still 13 months later have a hard time with the term "Mom."  Sometimes I think its because of how often I am reminded that she isn't "of me" a feeling of inferiority- that she deserves better.  I was chosen- but was the "right" Mom chosen?  Dont get me wrong- try and get between me and my Baby Girl- you have another thing coming.

I just feel like biological mothers feel like they have the market cornered on the post partum brain.  Although I never gave birth I think my mind and hormones have played a few tricks on me.  I wish I had been better prepared for this.  Once I experienced it I found I wasn't alone but had I anticipated it maybe I would have had a better chance at dealing with it.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Runners Goggles

So you have heard of beer goggles?  I think the runners high causes running goggles.  Seeing others run makes you wish you were out on the road w them.

Two years ago DH and I started our training for our half marathon.  I completed the first half and he finished the race.  In December 2011 we talked about signing up again but we never confirmed the plan to sign up and then the dead line was upon us.  The day the marathon registration closed was the day we got the call about Baby Girl.  There is no way we could have trained however as the runners ran past us in May of this past year I longed to be out there with them.  I fantasized about how much fun it had been the prior year.  I vowed I'd finish the marathon this year.  DH would run the first half and I'd cross the finish line.

January 1st I signed us up for the marathon.  I was so excited to enter the lottery to WIN a spot for the race.  Well we won the privilege to run 26.2 miles together!

This week was the start of our 12 week journey to the finish line.  Two years ago I got out of work by 3:30, DH was done by 4 and we were on the road running by 4:30.  After our run we would eat dinner and relax.

Now I dont get out until 4:30.  Baby Girl eats her dinner just before 5.  So by the time we were on the road tonight it was 5:15ish.  By 6 we were back, Baby girl needed her snack.  I needed a shower since I'll be home alone with her tomorrow.  By the time she was done eating and I was done showering it was time for her to get ready to go to bed.

We are still figuring out exactly how to keep Baby Girl happy while she comes along for our runs.  The first day she took off her hat and mittens and by the time we got back (despite stopping to put them back on a few times) her poor hands were so cold!  We have learned to put up the rain shield to act as a wind barrier and I put on her mittens she has for playing in the snow that way she can't take off her hat or mittens because she is paralyzed by the massive mittens.  She fell asleep yesterday and just zoned out today.  Once its warmer maybe she can have a snack on the run but until its warmer we have to giver her dinner before we go.

So I've learned a few things- how to prevent my child from taking off her mittens, that life is going to be crazy for 12 weeks but its important to still keep our hobbies, and the only thing worse then running up a hill?  Is running up a hill pushing a baby :)

Sunday, March 3, 2013

You are my Sunshine

When baby girl would cry in the car I'd sing to her You are my sunshine.  It didn't always stop her from crying but it kept my sanity so both of us were not crying.

With a combination of Motrin and Tylenol alternating thru the day we have so far made it to nap time w out any major melt downs.  As I took her to get ready for her nap I told her how much I loved her.  How I waited not so patiently for her.  I told her it was hard to see her sick.  Despite feeling horrible we still managed to have fun today.

While she ate a snack of strawberries and bread w cream cheese I started the crock pot.  She helped me stir it all together once she was done eating.  We played and danced.  We went out to shovel.  Her new favorite thing is to fall face first into the snow.  Her coat is so bulky she stayed inches from the ground w this hands free face plant.  She rolls over on her back and waits for me to help her back up.  We made the half block walk down to my aunts house to put the compost in the pile.

It's these simple things that are fun.  She amazes me each day how much she grows up.  Stiring pots of dinner, combing her hair, going for a walk on her own two feet.  So even on grey cloudy days she still is my sunshine.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

I Didn't Ask- So Please Don't Tell Me

In Law Rant!

So I was raised that you provide your opinion when asked.  I also was raised to provide an opinion and not directions when someone asks for your opinion   

DH was called multiple times by his parents tonight and between the ear infection melt downs by Baby Girl he chose to sit on the couch and relax rather then call them back.  He did figure there was something urgent going on so while he made dinner he called them back.

There was little in terms of pleasantries before my MIL jumped right into telling DH there had to be something wrong with Baby Girl.  She is sick ALL of the time.  So she has had an ear infection every month since Christmas.  I agree it is getting old.  The doctor is starting to talk about tubes but as her MOM I want to wait and see if once the winter months pass us by and cold season is over that the infections will go away.  If next winter the cycle starts again I'd consider it.  She told him we needed to get her allergies tested and she thought it was environmental.

Yes it IS environmental  its called DAYCARE and I work in a NURSING HOME (with three units quarantined because of illness)!!!   

They clearly have been gossiping another thing I was taught not to do.  MIL told DH his brother had told them we were thinking about moving (WHAT?! that is news to me) and that we should install a second bathroom.  We also should have a mold test done because that could have caused all the ear infections. We did do a mold test as a condition of our home purchase and the mold levels and there was not a problem.  THANKS!

Each word that came out of her mouth made me cringe.  I hate that what she says bothers me.  I'm sure from her perspective she is being helpful and caring.  From my perspective she is telling me I'm a bad mom.  She is telling me my house is dirty and full of mold.  She is telling me I'm irresponsible.   Leave me alone!