We got home from our vacation in ME today to find a packet from our agency. Its time to renew our fingerprints and update our forms. This means we are marching up to our first year of waiting. Baby Girl was a 15 month wait.
Waiting the first time was extraordinarily hard. Each baby bump was a reminder of the fact that our nest was still empty. I could not go to baby showers and my heart broke so very easily. The hardest part was not knowing. When I would tell people it could be today, tomorrow or next year we don't know it was in a way a reminder that it really could be tomorrow and I prayed that it wasn't another year.
This time we are busy. Really busy. I actually pray that its next year more often then I pray that its tomorrow. I do still find the unknowing part to be the hardest part. If I only knew a due date- what a luxury!
So I'll get the papers in order, I'll get my fingers inked, and I should probably get a baby bag ready... but here we are waiting again an unknown amount of time.
The other big difference this time is the impact on Baby Girl. I know some families have chosen not to share with their child however I think for Baby Girl it would be harder for her for us to suddenly need to go tend to a baby she didn't know would be coming. When the actual situation presents itself we will have to delicately tackle the topic of not knowing if this baby living with us is "her" brother or sister while we wait for termination. I think we talk about adoption enough in our house that if the baby does not turn out to be her sibling that she will be sad but understanding.
I try not to think too far ahead since we wont know the circumstances until the baby arrives. It could be tonight, maybe tomorrow, or even next year.