20 Miles

Sunday I ran 20 miles.  My hips ached, my knees twanged, my feet complained but I did it!  That will be my longest training run.

So what do I do for 3 hours of running.  I think.  I think a lot.  I think about how when I trained for my first half marathon I was yearning for my first baby.  Almost exactly 9 months after crossing my first finish line my Baby Girl arrived.  When I trained for my second half marathon I had my first baby (who was already 1).  I sometimes feel like if I hit the pavement harder and push faster I can some how push time forward and Baby 2 will arrive quicker.

Running is a good release for me.  It gives me something to focus on besides my day to day.  It is regimented.  The training guide tells me to run 5 miles, I run 5 miles.  In those many hours of running I think about what a fabulous dad my husband is to my daughter.  How lucky she is to have a Dad who thinks the world of her and is an example of how a husband should treat his wife and one day how she should expect to be treated.  I think about what a sweet girl I have.  My sweet girl wanted to put band-aids on the owies of those hurt at the Boston Marathon bombing when I explained her her just recently how people had been hurt.  I think about what an amazing big sister she is going to be as she asks to kiss me one more time before bed (even if it is a stall tactic).  I have cried once or twice wondering when this Baby 2 will make its presence known.  For the record running and crying do not go well together.

While running has been something I have done to occupy myself I also feel like its a bit of a sacrifice for what I am yearning for.  I still sometimes wonder what I did or didn't do in life to make something that should be so simple to become such a long journey.  Sometimes I think its a long journey - a marathon of waiting while other times I feel like waiting is a long pause in life.  Do I schedule time off this summer or will I need the time for a maternity leave?  Do I pack away the crib or will I just be putting it back together?

The wait for Baby 2 is definitely different but still ever present on my mind.  Waiting for Baby Girl was like my 20 mile run- my heart ached, my arms yearned, and my eyes cried we did it- and she is perfect.  In a few weeks I will take to the start line of the marathon and know I can make it because I've done 20 whats 26.2?  I waited for what seemed like forever for Baby Girl- I'm going to win again with Baby 2.