Sunday I ran 20 miles. My hips ached, my knees twanged, my feet complained but I did it! That will be my longest training run.
So what do I do for 3 hours of running. I think. I think a lot. I think about how when I trained for my first half marathon I was yearning for my first baby. Almost exactly 9 months after crossing my first finish line my Baby Girl arrived. When I trained for my second half marathon I had my first baby (who was already 1). I sometimes feel like if I hit the pavement harder and push faster I can some how push time forward and Baby 2 will arrive quicker.
Running is a good release for me. It gives me something to focus on besides my day to day. It is regimented. The training guide tells me to run 5 miles, I run 5 miles. In those many hours of running I think about what a fabulous dad my husband is to my daughter. How lucky she is to have a Dad who thinks the world of her and is an example of how a husband should treat his wife and one day how she should expect to be treated. I think about what a sweet girl I have. My sweet girl wanted to put band-aids on the owies of those hurt at the Boston Marathon bombing when I explained her her just recently how people had been hurt. I think about what an amazing big sister she is going to be as she asks to kiss me one more time before bed (even if it is a stall tactic). I have cried once or twice wondering when this Baby 2 will make its presence known. For the record running and crying do not go well together.
While running has been something I have done to occupy myself I also feel like its a bit of a sacrifice for what I am yearning for. I still sometimes wonder what I did or didn't do in life to make something that should be so simple to become such a long journey. Sometimes I think its a long journey - a marathon of waiting while other times I feel like waiting is a long pause in life. Do I schedule time off this summer or will I need the time for a maternity leave? Do I pack away the crib or will I just be putting it back together?
The wait for Baby 2 is definitely different but still ever present on my mind. Waiting for Baby Girl was like my 20 mile run- my heart ached, my arms yearned, and my eyes cried we did it- and she is perfect. In a few weeks I will take to the start line of the marathon and know I can make it because I've done 20 whats 26.2? I waited for what seemed like forever for Baby Girl- I'm going to win again with Baby 2.