Thursday, April 18, 2013

Got that Feeling

Two weeks ago I briefly changed my profile picture on Facebook to the equality symbol.  It was the first time I've changed my profile picture since Baby Girl was born.  I did change my picture back to our first picture as a family and just like the first time I posted it I got lots of comments and likes.

The comments and likes made me go back and look at the picture again.  Each time it makes me get that warm feeling that makes me realize I am a Mom.  I think back to that moment of when I laid eyes on her and how she terrified me.  The moment when I thought "This is it.  She could be my daughter."

I now think back and think "How was she ever that small, and how I did I doubt what I was capable of."  I then wish that on that first day I could have fallen fully in love and known certainly that she would be my girl.  On that first day I held a piece of my heart back because I knew a few things 1) D still legally could change her mind and that was her right and 2) J had not signed the papers properly and thus he could change his mind.  I wish I knew then that although she was not mine; she will never be anyones.

I'm just glad that she became my daughter and that I was so fortunate to lay eyes on her that first day.  Now I got that "Mom" feeling.

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