I received a thoughtful Mothers Day card from D. The card was a sweet gesture and I really was touched. It also got me thinking.... D is older then me by 7-8 years. She has her first daughter who is 11 years younger then me. As well as her son who is almost 9. In some ways she continues to have the opportunity to "mother" via the phone and when she is physically available and they call her "mom" however they are cared for by their grandparents. D's oldest daughter made some comment while we were at the zoo about something her Mom had done that wasn't really thought thru and ended the conversation with a slightly sarcastic "thats my mom." I often find D's oldest daughter to have almost parented D more then the vise versa. I have yet to really formulate this complexity into words. At some point I'm sure Baby Girl is going to want to know why the other two children were raised by/with her and she was not. When they consider her their Mom yet she is not their active parent.
My other feeling about the card was a sentence in which D expressed her admiration for DH and I. I wonder what D thinks of us. Being that we are younger (then her), unexperienced parents. Parents that have achieved basic things like stable employment which have evaded her. In most ways we are younger only in age but not in maturity. In some ways I'm grateful for her admiration because it says "I'm glad I chose you to be Baby Girls parents." while on the other side I feel uncomfortable as I really have done nothing to be admired for. I wanted to be a Mom and D allowed me that opportunity.