Friday, May 31, 2013

Roundtable #47: Stalled Relationship

The Open Adoption Roundtable is a series of occasional writing prompts about open adoption. It’s designed to showcase of the diversity of thought and experience in the open adoption community. You don’t need to be listed at Open Adoption Bloggers to participate or even be in a traditional open adoption. If you’re thinking about openness in adoption, you have a place at the table. The prompts are meant to be starting points–please feel free to adapt or expand on them.

I'm currently stalled.  I'm stalled in many areas of life right now.  For the last three weeks my mother has been with us and the two months prior to that I dealt with her health care from a far.  Phone calls to doctors, phone conferences with her rehab team, and discussions with my sisters.  I'm overwhelmed to the point that besides the day to day I'm not getting anything done.  

Last week as I tried to deal w Baby Girls fifty millionth ear infection, my mothers needs, and DH telling me he didn't like what I was planning to make for dinner I cracked.  I told them all I was leaving.  I didn't care what they did for dinner I was going to leave.  When I got back I would already have eaten so they shouldn't wait for me.  I would be back in time for Baby Girls bed time.  I spent two hours alone with a Five Guys Burger and a few errands for myself that I had been putting off as I put everyone else's needs before mine.

I currently owe D a letter.  It is written but now another month has gone by.  I debate- do I update the letter or just put it in the mail.  I need to put pictures on a thumb drive and print them out.  It seems too easy, but at the same time I have gotten to five o'clock and realize I didn't even have time to eat lunch let alone finish my morning coffee.  

For me this stalled relationship can start with an overwhelming feeling of life which then leads to guilt.  Up to now I have had the letters out exactly when I said I would.  D has been more sporadic.  I started to hear from her consistently after I informed her that I knew she was in jail.  I think she stalled her communication because she didn't know what/how to tell us.  Jail I'm sure for her has created a normalcy and routine which my life right now currently lacks.  

So tonight after writing this post (which was posted in April) has helped me decide- I'm sending the letter as is.  I will hand write a brief note on the bottom.  Tonight I will put the pictures on the thumb drive and tomorrow I will print the pictures and mail the letter.  It wont be perfect but it will restart what is stalled.  I'm not perfect and life happens.  This relationship isn't about me though currently it depends on me.  

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