Premature

We got an email today.  An email that was reminiscent of an email we got Febuary 2011.  It was a baby girl.  In the hospital.  10 weeks premature.  She is too far away and will require months in the hospital.  We have Baby Girl and its not realistic for one of us to be 8 hours away.  Nor is it fair to this baby to have her alone 8 hours away.

I read the e-mail and knew our answer.  It made me realize how different a place I am in this time around.  While it breaks my heart to think of this baby alone in a hospital while she awaits for forever family I also can squeeze my little girl and give her a kiss.  My little girl was that little girl; alone with all the bright lights and beeps of the NICU.  I hope for this little girl her family finds her quickly and I  hope for her family that they dont miss too many more days.

So until our call comes.  I'll squeeze my Baby Girl a little tighter at night and know our day will come.

My Hair's not Brown

"Is she nice?" Baby Girl
"I think so.  I like her alot."  Me
"Does she have pretty hair?"  Baby Girl
"Yup- Her hair is blonde just like you."  Me
"Oh." Baby Girl  "My hair is blonde.  What color is your hair?"
"My hair is brown."  Me
"Why?"  Baby Girl
"Well because my Mom and Dad both have brown hair."  Me
"Dadas hair is brown.  My hair's not brown."  Baby Girl

I didn't expect our trip to pick up a new babysitter was going to turn into an adoption conversation but it did.  Thats how most of them do.  Baby Girl knows D is special.  She sometimes seems to understand she grew inside D.  She knows her cousin grew inside her aunt.  I can tell each of these short conversations another piece clicks into place.

I went onto explain that her hair is blonde because J and D both had blonde hair.  She seemed to be more focused on the balloons flying outside the chocolate factory store.  Though from past experience when she seems to have moved on and is focused on something new she still is listening.

Who knows where or when the next adoption conversation will pop up but I'm ready.

Nature or nurture

We were out to breakfast with my Aunt from out of town and a friend of hers.  Baby Girl was running around the table from person to person.  She was being good but her typical strong willed opinionated self.  She wasn't being rude and for a 2 year old she was "perfect" for a meal out.  My aunts friend commented on how vivacious and smart Baby Girl was.  My aunt proudly told her friend that "She gets that from her Mama- you should have seen her when she was a girl."  My aunt continued on to say that I was clearly destined to be a mother and this little girl was my match.  She then said "Baby Girl is adopted."  "Ohhhh?" said her friend.  "Well then it doesn't come from her mama."  The two of them started bickering over nature vs. nurture and I quietly sat and observed while keeping my eye on my vivacious and smart 2 year old.  Her friend finally turned to me and said "Well what do you think?"  I then responded that I think Baby Girls Birthmom and I have a lot in common personality wise.  I also think that how I parent translates into my childs personality.  I let her learn, explore and make choices within the limits I set.  I can't claim any trait of Baby Girl as "mine" nor do I think D can.  Baby Girl is her own person and clearly her environment as well as her biology plays a role but fundamentally she is Baby Girl.  At which point a small hand grabbed mine.  Baby Girl looked squarely at my aunts friend and firmly said "MY Mama." and then proceeded to crawl into my lap to cuddle.

Baby Girl gets it.