Tomorrow we are revisiting a path that we explored before- Foster to Adopt.
Unfortunately there is a great demand for Foster parents. Given the current dynamics of the increase in drug use/dependence as well as a broken social services system more and more children are being placed. In our state more children have been taken into protective custody then any other year. I believe this is two fold- we had at least three children I can think of die after being reunited with their biological mothers and we have a high per capita ratio of drug users.
So what does that mean for us?
I'm more open to the DH is to exploring foster to adopt. Baby girl will be four in January and we have agreed that Five is likely our limit for an age gap between our children. This means that if we wait for a domestic infant adoption placement we may withdraw our application without becoming parents to #2. All that waiting- for nothing.
I also feel open to the idea of being a nurturing place for a child while it waits for their parents to regain control of their lives. DH looks at is as they are getting out of parenting. I look at it as- being a parent is hard and trying to pull your life back together while parenting would feel impossible to me.
Not every parent that makes this attempt is sucessful. D had her chances with her first two children and for Baby Girl made a plan to place rather than having the state create her plan for her. Not everyone is at that place and I think its only fair for everyone (child/parent) for them to be given the opportunity to succeed.
We are going to a meeting tomorrow to gain information. I truly hope that he can see what I see. An opportunity to make a difference in a childs life with the distinct possibility that one of the children that passess thru our doors becomes our child.
** As I write this I realize the great juxtaposition in feelings there are. While my desire would be for a childs parents to be successful children that are placed in families that are open to adoption are those that are lease likely to be successful. With domestic infant adoption what I have always grappled with the most is the idea that for me to become a Mom means another Mother has to place trust in me with her child. In Foster care that control is removed. While I know I'm worthy of this trust it will be even harder knowing that that trust was not given to me by the person that matters most**
***In DH defense he works with children that are in foster care on a regular basis thru his job. Granted these children are older and have been tossed around and for good reason are angry. Due to this his frame of reference is one that is not positive- but I challenge him to wonder what your middle or high school students would be like if the system worked and provided them stability before they were 2?***