Break Down

I was ready this time.  I was going to get my fingerprints done and over with.  The homestudy process really is just a process for me now.  Its the means to an end and I love the end.  DH had scheduled our fingerprints for next week Wednesday.  I dont know how it came up but I realized that he had scheduled the appt at the Sheriffs office which is about 30 minutes from my work at 2:30 rather then the police department which is about 10 minutes from my work.  I get out of work at 3:30 normally and so I'd have to get out of work by 2.  So that means I would have to go into work at 5:30AM or leave an hour and a half early.  My boss is usually not overly flexible especially for "last minute changes."  The only Sheriff's office that does fingerprints on Friday was a Sheriffs office 45 minutes away in a region called "the islands."

Being that it was a perfect crisp fall days and the colors were out I was hell bent on just getting them over with.  So I put my stack of things for errands in my passenger seat, got Baby Girl a good snack, and packed her into the car for the ride.  As we got ready I teared up a little knowing that as much as I hate fingerprints I had no choice.  On the ride I told her what we were doing and why.  She agreed that it was a good idea to have another baby which made me tear up.

We arrived at the Sheriffs office.  They were polite and professional.  The process was quick.  The Sheriff reeked of cigarettes but beyond that the process was easy.  With only a few times that I welled up with tears at home I had made it without really letting the tears flow.

As we approached our town on the way home Baby Girl was starting to loose it.  I didn't want to go home then circle back to go to the grocery store and literally had 5 things I needed to pick up.  So I risked it.  She was good in the store and we headed home.  As I pulled out of the parking lot I looked down at the remaining pile of errands and realized that the check for daycare and her school pictures were not there.  At this point Baby Girl was melting down in the back seat.  I had pushed her too far.  

I felt like a horrible mom with her shrieking in the back seat and me panicking in the front seat over the missing checks.  I turned her music up to drowned out her cries and tried to stay calm.  I kept asking her to PLEASE just this ONCE just use your words and as soon as we pull in the drive way you can have milk but I dont have any with me!  We finally arrived home and baby girl was all cried out wilting into a nap in her car seat.  I started to pull the car apart, then my purse, my jacket, nothing.  I called DH who told me he was going to cancel the checks but I told him no since it was $25 per check- $50 we didn't have to spend on my mistake.  I called the Sheriffs office and they had not found them.  I began to cry.  If I hadn't had to get stupid fingerprints I wouldn't have caused baby girl to melt down and I wouldn't have lost the stupid checks!  I was so mad at myself.  My car now clean, my purse now reorganized, and my jacket empty of kleenex I still had not found the checks.  I calmly brought baby girl now asleep in her carseat into her crib for a nap.  I then calmly took one more look thru my purse contents realizing I had folded the checks up and slipped them back into my checkbook cover so they would be safe.  

I then let myself lay down and cry.  I hate fingerprints.  I hate them.  I let them get the better of me.

Home Study Check List:
Review original home study
Home Visit
Physician Report- Me
Physician Report- DH
Finger Prints- Me
Finger Prints- DH
Birth Certificate Copy Me
Birth Certificate Copy DH
Marriage License
Profile Book
Letters of recommendation requested