Each trip we have taken to Philly I have made a book for Baby Girl. The year she was born the book was her birthstory. The following year was a short story about the adventures to the zoo and last year was the story about her time with her birthmom and the museum.
These are Baby Girls Books. She can read them as she chooses. Most of the time she likes to look at pictures of herself as a baby. These books are jump starts to conversations about adoption, and her birthfamily. They are non-intrusive ways of saying her family is important to us as well as chronicling the trips for her.
While my In-Laws were here Baby Girl picked her book about her most recent trip to Philly. I heard my MIL read the title and I quickly B-lined to her bedroom. I have mixed feelings about these books. I can't lock them up but I also am protective of her story. I keep each book simple, factual, but not overly specific so that if anyone picks them up they don't know the most detailed aspects of her adoption story. I save those details for when her and I talked while we read the book. They still are her story and I'm highly protective of her and her birthfamily.
My MIL just looked at the pictures and commented on what Baby Girl was doing in each picture. Baby Girl told my MIL who everyone was in the pictures and I helped Baby Girl with the words to describe her relationships as she is still learning that. At one point my MIL asked how D does with visits. In light of D's current vanishing act I was extra cautious of this conversation. I shared with my MIL that of course D is sad when we leave but Baby Girl and D love eachother so much when they are together. Baby Girl clearly was listening to this interaction (which I'm always keanly aware of) and chimed in "Why does D get sad?" For a moment I was sad for Baby Girl to have her hear that D is sad sometimes, but then I remembered that in her adoption story we talk about how D was sad when we left but happy we were the parents she had chosen for her daughter. This satisfied Baby Girl and it also allowed my MIL to see how this open thing works. Yes there are sad parts, but emotions are normal and thats how we deal with them.
My MIL I dont think will ever understand why we do what we do but I think she has come to a point where she is starting to see that what we chose isn't wrong or bad.