Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Profile Book- DONE

October 7th 2010 we officially started waiting.  October 8, 2013 I submitted our profile book to be printed.  It will likely be another month before our interview/home study but its getting close.  I wrote in our "Dear Birthparent Letter"/Dear Expectant Parent letter (I avoided Dear anything because thats just not my style) that I felt that writing the letter was no easier the second time around.  In fact I think it was harder.  Now as a Mom I feel like I don't know what to say to a woman that is considering me as the mother of her child.

As I did last time I am posting my Dear Birthparent letter in hopes it might help someone else.  What I have learned in writing two is there is no right/wrong.  You are who you are.  (Well i guess there is wrong but you have to be totally out of touch with open adoption, and well I'm sure there are some out there.  If you are reading my blog you probably educated on open adoption and its benefits and have some idea of adoption friendly language).  I also can't stress enough about making sure you speak to the expectant parents as they are making a decision for their baby.  You can speak of your hopes and dreams for your baby but they are not one in the same.  Many parents will read your book before the ones that choose you read it.  Some that read your book will choose to parent, others will choose other adoptive parents, and one will pick you.

Our names are X and Y.  Our daughter's name is Z but we call her Baby Girl.  Thank you for taking the time to read our book.  We hope that in the next few pages you will get to know us.  We cannot imagine how difficult this journey has been for you, but we respect that you are making a decision that is best for you and your baby.  This process is not new to us since Baby Girl also was adopted as an infant, though writing this book is just as hard to write the second time as it was the first time.  We realize that in a few short pages you will know more about us but we still likely will not have answered all our questions.  We will do our best to answer the questions we think you might want answered but look forward to an opportunity to meet you.  So here it goes...

So how did we get to the point where we are writing this letter to you?  Early in our dating relationship we talked about having a family.  Soon after we were married we began trying to conceive a child but learned we could not.  We always knew we wanted to adopt children so we contacted (our agency).  After 15 months of waiting we became parents to Baby Girl.  Baby Girl will be two in January 2014 and we are excited to make our family complete.

Baby Girls adoption is a semi-open adoption in which we exchange letters and pictures via the adoption agency.  We also get a chance to visit with her family once a year.  This plan was established with us and Baby Girls birthparents when we first met.  We would hope to work with our future birth parents* to establish an open adoption plan that works for both of our families.

We are excited to be parents again and Baby Girl, as best she understands, thinks she will make a good big sister.  The most amazing thing about children is learning from them and seeing life through new eyes.  As we already do with Baby Girl we plan to continue to speak openly about adoption with our next child and believe that he/she should always know you and experience your love. 

We concluded our book this time and last time with the following as our way of saying- we appreciate you taking the time to read our book, but we also know that reading our book does not mean you have decided to create an adoption plan.  I dont think I fully got there but it is never my intention to parent a child another woman is able to/wants to parent:

Thank you for taking the time to get to know us and learning of our journey to create our family.  We know you will make the best decision for you and your baby.  We would be honored to take the time to get to know you and understand your journey as well.

*I went back and forth as to write expectant mother/birth parents for this sentence.  I chose birth parents because as it has been with Baby Girl the open adoption plan has morphed over time.  I wanted it to be clear that our planning for openness is not just determined prior to birth but it is a process that will change as our relationship grows.

Home Study Check List:
Review original home study
Home Visit
Physician Report- Me
Physician Report- DH
Finger Prints- Me
Finger Prints- DH
Birth Certificate Copy Me
Birth Certificate Copy DH
Marriage License
Profile Book
Letters of recommendation requested


  1. With G we said Birth Parents because that's what our agency told us to do. Now that I've been in the adoption world for over three years, I'm a strong advocate for using expectant parent, as birth parent implies they've signed their rights. When we wrote our unused Dear Expectant Parents letter for adoption number two, it was much more difficult than our first letter. You're right, once you've become a mother, it's so much more difficult to know what to say. Your letter is great.

  2. Did you actually type "Dear Birthparent" as the start of your letter? Last time and this time I just said "Hello." I find "Dear X" so formal and didn't like it. As an industry standard I think they are still called "Dear Birthparent" letters however our agency refers to them more as "profiles" with an introduction letter. I know when I was writing the first one I googled "Dear Birthparent" which got me the best search results to help me get started. I also know that one of the greatest number of hits on my page is my "dear birthparent" post on ttababy. Thanks for commenting!

  3. Oh and if I wasn't clear in my post Expectant Mother is the term to use until the baby is born. Then I'm guessing she is whatever you two agree her to be (my guess her first name).