Oh.. Does she.... Is it..

Today I had to go get extra paint.  Naturally the woman checking us out at the register asked "Love this color- what are you painting?"
"A nursery I replied."
"For you?" confused look.
"Yes."
"When are you due?" she asked.
"Any day."  Another confused look.  "We are adopting."
 "Oh- from where" (my favorite question).
"I dont know- depends on where they are born."
 "Oh- well when?"
"I dont know it depends on when we get the call."  I replied
"So you just get a call?"
"Yes- we could get a call and the baby could be already a week old like Baby Girl or the mother could be due on a few weeks."  *as soon as Baby Girls name came out I wanted to kick myself
"Oh.... Does she... Is it..."
"Yes she is adopted and she knows."
"Oh of course.  Well I hope the baby comes soon- maybe before Christmas."
(Maybe I think.... but probably not.)

In the car today we had our first discussion about how Baby Girl might choose to keep her birthstory private or might choose to share it.  It may even depend on who she is talking to.  She seemed confused about why she would want to keep D a secret.  I guess someday she will understand that she understands adoption far better than the adults around her and sometimes it's not worth answering so many questions about your life.

Progress

2/3 walls of the nursery are painted a light yellow cream.  The 3rd walk has its first coat of a buttery yellow and then will add horizontal grey stripes.  This is the only room that has never been painted.  Baby girl REALLY wanted to help.  There was hardly enough room for me with everything pushed to the center of the room let alone a small child "helping."  DH took her to the store then swimming while I painted.  When they returned she wanted to see it.  "Where is the red?!" The disappointment palpable in her voice.  No red- yellow.  "Will there be red later?"  She still isn't over the lack of red.  I kept trying to tell her red was an angry color not a good nursery color.... She wasn't convinced.  I think a pink room might be in her future.

Tuesday is our foster information session.  I called social services last week and an application is in the mail.  I'm ready- DH is almost there.

Some Days are Better Then Others

Tonight I read a significant chunk of my blog that I wrote prior to Baby Girls birth.  Reading the posts that lead up to the day we got the call.  Its funny there are at least three posts the week she was born but we didn't know about her yet.

This is our second time around waiting.  You would think it would be easier.  Easier because I have concrete proof that the wait is worth it.  I have the most amazing little girl that I'm lucky enough to be known as Mom to.  Most days are easier then last time around I think.  I have fewer days to think about where I am at in the waiting.

November however marks two years of waiting.  That doesn't include the at least month it took us to get all of our paper work together.  The cute toddler that donned the sweet shirt that announced "Waiting for my promotion to BIG sister" no longer fits that sweet baby girl.  Now when we talk to her about the baby we are waiting for she understands what a baby is.  Before we had to bring it up.  Now she asks "When is MY baby coming?"  I wish I just knew.

At what point to we start warming her up to the idea that we might end our wait.  How do you tell a child- we waited long enough.  The age gap is too large.  Its just you babe!

That hasn't changed.  If I just knew- 6 months, 3 months a year.  I don't care I just want to know!  A few times I have thought I'm motivated to paint the office/nursery.  Then I think- whats the point.  Its the only room in the house that has never been painted in our six years living here.  Its time to paint it just because its time to paint it.  I drag my feet because - what is the point?  Its a room that no one sees except me when I'm doing work from home.

Some days are better then others... truthfully most days are good.

Options

Yesterday we submitted our options check list and today our agency sent our home study to an agency out of state.  The agency is in line with our values (pre/post counseling, assistance with facilitation of semi-open/open adoption).  We have made contact with family in that state that will be willing to host us if we are matched in that state.

Baby Girl isn't a baby anymore she will be 4 in January.  We are starting to wonder about age gaps and what is right for us.  We without a doubt will remain active in 2016 but can't speak with certainty about 2017 if we are still waiting.

New Path

Tomorrow we are revisiting a path that we explored before- Foster to Adopt.

Unfortunately there is a great demand for Foster parents.  Given the current dynamics of the increase in drug use/dependence as well as a broken social services system more and more children are being placed.  In our state more children have been taken into protective custody then any other year.  I believe this is two fold- we had at least three children I can think of die after being reunited with their biological mothers and we have a high per capita ratio of drug users.

So what does that mean for us?

I'm more open to the DH is to exploring foster to adopt.  Baby girl will be four in January and we have agreed that Five is likely our limit for an age gap between our children.  This means that if we wait for a domestic infant adoption placement we may withdraw our application without becoming parents to #2.  All that waiting- for nothing.

I also feel open to the idea of being a nurturing place for a child while it waits for their parents to regain control of their lives.  DH looks at is as they are getting out of parenting.  I look at it as- being a parent is hard and trying to pull your life back together while parenting would feel impossible to me.

Not every parent that makes this attempt is sucessful.  D had her chances with her first two children and for Baby Girl made a plan to place rather than having the state create her plan for her.  Not everyone is at that place and I think its only fair for everyone (child/parent) for them to be given the opportunity to succeed.

We are going to a meeting tomorrow to gain information.  I truly hope that he can see what I see.  An opportunity to make a difference in a childs life with the distinct possibility that one of the children that passess thru our doors becomes our child.

** As I write this I realize the great juxtaposition in feelings there are.  While my desire would be for a childs parents to be successful children that are placed in families that are open to adoption are those that are lease likely to be successful.  With domestic infant adoption what I have always grappled with the most is the idea that for me to become a Mom means another Mother has to place trust in me with her child.  In Foster care that control is removed.  While I know I'm worthy of this trust it will be even harder knowing that that trust was not given to me by the person that matters most**

***In DH defense he works with children that are in foster care on a regular basis thru his job.  Granted these children are older and have been tossed around and for good reason are angry.  Due to this his frame of reference is one that is not positive- but I challenge him to wonder what your middle or high school students would be like if the system worked and provided them stability before they were 2?***

"I love all my names"

Tonight we were talking about names.  My name DH name and baby girls name.  How we all shared the same last name.  How baby girl has many names.  Besides nick names she has 4 names.  We told her how she got each of her name.  She liked the idea that she shared names with both D and us.  She concluded the conversation by saying "I love all of my names!"

Today we made her Halloween costume.  Her birth family loves this holiday.  Halloween growing up for me was something we preped for just days before (or even the day of).  I never would imagine getting her costume ready weeks before.  We skyped with them this week and I knew they would want to know what she would be.  Good thing she has know for at least a month what she wanted to be - a butterfly.  Funny how birth families influence our family and are able to include her in their traditions.

I'm Getting Married

"I'm getting married mama."  As she points to my profile picture.  In the picture is DH and me smiling down on baby girl as she 'signs' her adoption decree.  I explain to her that no she is getting adopted.  I asked her if she knew what the word adoption meant.  She said no.  I explained to her that on her adoption day we all agreed to live each other for always and that made us a family.  She paused, pointed at the picture and said "I'm getting married."

The funny thing I get where she is coming from.  Earlier in the summer she went to her first wedding and I explained it by telling her that when two people love each other very much they stand in front of everyone and tell each other that they will love each other for always.  Just like adoption marriage is a legal commitment made to all parties to love each other for always.

The big difference is - someday kid you are moving out.

Home Study Update

The home study update came in the mail yesterday.  I knew it was going to arrive soon.  I even almost called the agency to find out where it was at since some years they have forgotten.  I'm not sure if it was because Baby Girl was sick and thus I was tired, maybe I'm a little hormonal, the stress of some job changes that are fast approaching, the fact that my husbands car needed to go to the shop and it didn't sound good OR just the fact that the package arrived at all... but I was moved to tears.  Tears of frustration that it hasn't happened yet.  Tears of self pity because I just dont want to subject my self to fingerprints again.  Tears of anxiety from the unknown.  Tears of stress from the many life changes about to occur in our lives some at known and some at unknown times.  Most likely they were tears of frustration, pity, anxiety and stress.

The package is a reminder that another year has passed.  The cute Baby Girl that we couldn't keep still for her "Waiting for my Promotion" photo shoot is now a girl who wants to know when this baby is arriving.  The sweet Baby Girl is now too big for her "Waiting for my Promotion" shirt I made for her.  Our lives are moving faster and faster away from the lives of parents of a small child and most days we are the parents of a Girl.

The package is a reminder that literally at any day we still could get the call.  Our lives will be stopped and the direction will change.  I'm in the process of moving towards school based therapy which means on the plus side I will have summers and holidays off.  The down side is that I am starting at new jobs that have no obligation to provide me with time off as they are part time.  I can't sit and wait forever though.  12 weeks off with Baby Girl was amazing.  Having to work Thanksgiving and Easter not so much.  My new path will allow us to take time for adventures and ensure that I will always be home on Christmas morning.  I will take some time off and maybe flex hours around but it will not be 12 weeks unless this bugger can arrive at the start of summer vacation- wouldn't that be perfect timing?  We are talking about real life though...

While Baby Girl gets older I see advantages to having an age gap.  Like my sisters and I we never overlapped in high school or college.  This meant we each had high school to ourselves.  It also meant my parents were not paying for two college degrees at once.  Baby Girl will be able to self entertain at times and will want to help.  She also will realize the disruption this baby will bring to her life.

The package itself took me an hour to finish including figuring out how to log into accounts we rarely log into.  The fingerprint appointment is scheduled.  I'll have DH drop off the health forms.  In a few short weeks we will be back to our usual waiting.  It just sometimes seem like its forever... then I remember that I'm OK with waiting until next summer.  June 1st.

And... We... Wait....

15 months came and went and still no baby.  It seems like everyone and their mother is having a baby.  Three of my cousins are due in the next few months.  My coworker.  My husbands best friend.

When DH's best friend announced at dinner at their house "We need more space at the dinging room table since our family is expanding!"  Then got a goofy grin which implied we were supposed to infer the reason and then be super over the top excited.  Guess what buddy you are an insensitive jerk is what I wanted to say but instead for the love of my husbands friendship I said "Oh thats great when are you due?"  His goofy friend then told everyone at the table that their son was going to become a big brother.  Baby Girl jumped in  "I'm going to be a BIG SISTER!"  goofy oblivious friend gave Baby Girl a blank look and then registered "Oh right you will."  Seriously dude?

I think what bugs me more at this point isn't the waiting but the stupidity of people and their interactions with Baby Girl on the topic.  At Christmas Baby Girl told my in-laws that a toy was for "the baby."  My in-laws kept trying to correct her and tell her it was for her new cousin.  I finally had to save poor Baby Girl and told them that no she was right and that it was for THE BABY- you know HER SIBLING?!

I remember when my mother was pregnant with my sister.  I was excited for this baby that was coming.  I talked to everyone about it.  I remember the excitement (prior to her arrival).  I wish that Baby Girl got that.  While we are excited in our own home Baby Girl doesn't get to share that excitement with others as easily.  When my mothers pregnant belly was standing there next to me people instantly got it.   Instead the grocery clerk looks at us awkwardly and wonders if this toddler is sharing family news that is not yet ready to be shared (since there is NO way I'm with child unless i'm in my first month at 5'5" and 123lbs).  Those who should know better seem to need reminders that yes we are 15 months into waiting but we are always one day closer to are unknown delivery date.

Fortunately Baby Girl is oblivious to others awkwardness.  I think she thinks they are just dense and need the baby thing explained to them.  She fortunately is not a girl that can be swayed easily and sticks to her guns.  Adoption is a continuous learning curve just when you think you have experienced it all you learn about it from a different perspective.  While we continue to learn we continue to wait... knowing that tomorrow, next week or next year Baby Girl is going to make one awesome big sister.

Until then Baby Chester (the cat) will have to do.

So Long Friend 2.9.2015

Almost six years ago we welcomed a dog into our lives.  The moment I saw her picture I wanted her.  She looked exactly like my dog I grew up with.  Infertility was something we were just starting to talk about.  We were past the six month point in which I should have become pregnant and it had not yet.  My husband was on nights so I was alone in the evenings.  We had initially planned to have a baby then a dog.  I pleaded with DH to let me get this dog and he kept telling me we had agreed to have a baby then a dog.  I remember asking him "What if there isn't a baby?  Who knows how long it will be?"  I needed something to love and a dog was what I could achieve.  He gave in.

We had been told she would be a perfect running dog.  She was good on a leash and that she knew basic commands.  She was house broken and a sweetheart.  She had been treated for worms but that was done with.  She was good with cats.  Her match couldn't have been more perfect.  Her name had been Callie when she arrived at the foster home but her foster family thought she would be more adoptable with the name Molly.

We met our sweet Molly at her foster home as she was a rescue.  When I met her in person she didn't look like my childhood dog, but she was sweet and did I really expect a twin?  She didn't know her name was Molly or Callie.  Into the car she went.  We thought we would get to know her by taking her for a hike since she was "good on a leash."  She was a mess.  She was pulling us so hard we could hardly keep up.  She was wrapping herself around trees and well was generally not good on a leash.  The hike ended about 100 yards up the trail when she got into an altercation with a Westie that was off leash.  In her defense the dog was a pain in the you know what and the owner had the nerve to tell us we should control our dog (who was on a leash at least).  We brought her home feeling a little discouraged but excited.  The cat.... was not impressed.  The cat stopped eating and was throwing up from the stress of the new addition.  The vet informed us that our 9 month old puppy was likely at least two years old.  Our new dog "who was good on a leash" kept growling at our new neighbors and I was ready to send her packing.  The rescue guilted us into trying just a little longer.

The cat eventually agreed the dog could stay.  The neighbors she was growling at turned out to be dealing drugs.  The obedience training and a harness at least allowed us to get to the point where she could walk on a leash if there were limited distractions.  Although she passed obedience classes her final test she played dead when she was tested on the sitting command and she sat when she was to perform her "play dead" trick.  If she was with an older dog she could even go off leash.  She had a knack for escaping the backyard and running away.  We got calls from the grocery store pharmacy down the street saying she had made it into the store.  We got calls from the golf course one mid summer afternoon saying she was swimming in the pond.  We got calls from the high school up the street that she was playing with the students in between exams.

She was excitable and cowardly all in one.  When the fire alarm when off all 55 pounds of her would run into our room and hide under the nightstand next to our bed.  Since she was taller than it she would lift it up off of the floor.  We joked that we would never sleep thru a fire alarm with the racket she made with the nightstand.  She loved to play soccer in the basement and chase balls.  She unfortunately was a jumper and had no body awareness so sometimes knocked poor babygirl over.

When Baby Girl arrived life changed for our Molly.  She wasn't the center of attention and her play time became more solitary.  Molly loved Baby Girl but Baby Girl loved the cat Chester and well Chester loved no one.  Molly was much calmer with Baby Girl then anyone else.  When Molly was napping Baby Girl would cover her with a blanket and pat her.  Molly calmly allowed Baby Girl to plaster her with stickers.  Molly would patiently allow Baby Girl to feed her dinner gently taking one kibble at a time and resisting overwhelming the toddler and just eating out of the bowl which she could easily have done.  This winter Baby Girl started throwing snow balls and balls for Molly.  They were starting to see the mutual benefit of being friends.

Thru all of this Molly has always had gastrointestinal issues.  Since we got her it wasn't uncommon to be awoken in the early morning hours to her throwing up her dinner from the night before.  Each time we would go to the vet they would alter her diet but nothing seemed to make it go away.  The symptoms would come and go stress seemed to make it worse.  Stress for Molly was a small change in schedule.  If we fed her less at night and more in the morning that seemed to help as well.  NO table food which was hard with a toddler was mandatory.  Over the last six months we found it harder and harder to control.  It got to the point where no matter what we did she threw up every morning without fail.  We took her to the vet again last week and they told us that she was in early stages of kidney failure.  Not to worry to change her diet again and this would make the vomiting go away and keep her healthy.  The change in diet was a disaster- she threw it up but that night she was up more than once.  By Friday she wasn't eating.  Again not out of the ordinary especially since we had changed her food and it was making her sick.  It wasn't unusual when she had a stress to go a day or two without eating.  Friday night I was home alone with Baby Girl and DH was at work.  Molly started throwing up water.  I texted DH at work saying it didn't look good.  Baby Girl cried hysterically and I tried to calm both of them telling them both that it was going to be OK.  At one point I asked Molly what was wrong and Baby Girl said "I think she is afraid to throw up."  Baby Girl talked to my parents on the phone while I got Molly settled in the kitchen and her kennel cleaned up.  Saturday morning she was keeping water down again but not eating.  Sunday morning she was drinking and keeping some of it down.  By Sunday night she wasn't interested in eating or drinking.  Monday back to the vet.  A new answer a new prognosis a new plan for recovery which included a night at the emergency vet.  She was diagnosed with adrenal Gland insufficiency and they started her on treatment.  We told Baby Girl the dog went to the hospital and the doctors would make her better.  By 6 PM we were given devastating news.  She had an infection in her abdomen and that surgery would be required.

We broke the news to Baby Girl that Mollys heart wasn't beating and her lungs were not breathing anymore.  That she was old and had lived a good life.  We told Baby Girl that Molly wouldn't be coming home because she had died (at that point this was not true but would be soon).  Lily looked at DH and told him to "Go get her!"  We again explained that Mollys heart was not beating and her lungs were not breathing.  We reminded her of my Grandmothers funeral and how she was at peace.  We got Baby Girl ready for bed with me quietly crying most of the routine.  When it came time for me to sing to Baby Girl I struggled to sing between the tears.  Baby Girl asked what was wrong and I told her I was crying because I was sad.  It was finally at that point that BAby Girl said "I'm sad too."  After our hugs and kisses and reassurances that it was OK to be sad Baby Girl went to sleep and DH left to be there with Molly at her final moment.  He assured me that she knew he was there.  She took a final last breath and was gone.  The dog that challenged us at her arrival had grown into a dog that was quirky and loved.

Its now been three weeks.  The hall where Mollys kennel was feels empty and huge.  When we drop food on the floor no one comes running.  Baby Girl occasionally will randomly start to cry "I miss my doggy." or "I want my doggy" and we have the conversation all over.  The other day she was in the hall talking to no one I could see about Molly.  I asked her about it and she told me "I'm just telling Santa that Molly died."  I miss my companion at night when DH is working.  We agreed that there will be another dog at some point either when DH goes back to patrol or when our second child is 2-3 whichever happens first.  I wont do a rescue again because the unknown of her history made getting her medical care and behaviors taken care of challenging.

Birthmonth

Some kids have a birthday.  I feel like our little girl has a birthmonth.  There is the day she was born and was there alone w her mom and mom-mom.  A week later there was her call day when we learned of her existence.  Then there was the two days while we waited to finally meet her, I frant cleaned the house and packed.  Tomorrow is the anniversary of when we met her.  Then almost exactly one month later (one month plus a day) we left the hospital.

Today I mentioned to baby girl that three years ago today we were waiting for the go ahead to get in the car and start traveling to meet her.  She wanted to know why we had to wait.  To which I told her we had to wait to hear if D was going to move forward w her adoption plan.  I told her we were excited to meet her but the agency told us we had to wait because D made the ultimate decision.  About 5 whys later baby girl was happy with my answers and moved on.  I'm in love w her curiosity, how smart and beautiful she is.

A few side stories:
her brothers new name is Mavrick.

Today I mentiomed to baby girl  the baby doll she got for Christmas had blue eyes like she did.  She responded "like D's, "birth sister name", and pop-Pop."  I have noticed that even though she is of a similar ethnicity to us she s in constant search for how she matches others.   She figured out about sux months ago that her hair doesn't match ours and her eyes don't match her Dads.  While in a bio family this happens regularly I had blond hair as a child and my parents have brown hair.  This never phased me as I got older my hair changed.  It's a balance between showing her she does match her birthfamily and that not matching is what makes her unique.

3?!

On the eve of Baby Girls third birthday I can't believe it!  Three years ago while Baby Girls Birthmother was preparing for a c-section I was preparing for a busy day like any other weekday.  I had work, followed by physical therapy and topped off with a phone call with my Grandmother.  I always have been one to think of parallel lives waiting to intersect.  8th grade me played with the idea that I'd meet a boy on my trip to the cape.  Funny story 10 years later I met a boy from the cape that I married.  While waiting I often wondered about where my eventual childs birthmother was and if my eventual child was conceived.  Had the birthparents met yet?  On my trip to Philli for a conference April 2011 I half jokingly told some colleagues that my childs birthmother could already have conceived and maybe right here in Philly (PA was one of the places I knew was a possible agency our agency worked with).  Sure enough 9 months later my Baby Girl was born.  Do I believe I have a sixth sense- no.  I think I spend a lot of time thinking of realistic scenarios and sometimes pieces of those scenarios come true.

Today I spent a great deal of time reflecting not only on Baby Girls journey to us but also the potential journey that is unfolding for Baby 2's journey to us.  How will these two journeys be the same?  How different will they be?  Is Baby 2 about to join the world or has s/he been even conceived yet?

Baby Girl is so smart.  She is wise beyond her years.  She is sensitive yet bold.  On Monday Baby Girl asked if her "parents" could come to her birthday party (It took me about a week to realize that when she has been asking about her parents she is talking about birthparents- DUH!).  I told her they lived far away and that no they wouldn't be able to make it but maybe we could Skype.

We will be skyping with her birthfamily.  I confirmed a few days ago that D is still not home.  I had to tell Baby Girl that her birthsibilings and grandparents will be there but D will not.  I told her that D wasn't going to be home so she wouldn't be able to skype with her.  I listed everyone that would be there.  She then firmly stated "AND D."  I had to restate it.  "No Baby Girl.  D isn't home and we dont know when she will be back so she wont be able to skype."  She then started to act silly.  "Did you hear me?"  I asked.  To which she shook her head yes.  I then repeated again who was going to be there.  She then asked me to read a book that was on the coffee table.  I have e-mailed her birthsister to let her know how I explained it to her because I know she is going to ask tomorrow.

I try not to implant my emotions onto Baby Girl.  I do not think it is a coincidence that her birthday has invoked an intense interest in her birthfamily.  We have talked about them more this past month than we typically do.  I find it fascinating that at 3 she is taking puzzle pieces that are not obvious and putting them together.  Adoption is a picture of gray- nothing is totally clear and she somehow has figured out this picture better than I ever imagined.  In my job I work with patients with dementia on puzzles often because it helps them sharpen their cognitive skills.  I help them sort the edge pieces from the center pieces and make suggestions.  I hand them a piece that fits and suggest "Here try this one."  They still sometimes rotate and move piece and can't get it to fit because to their brain it doesn't make sense.  I feel like I try to hand Baby Girl pieces of her puzzle when she is requesting help.  She rotates the piece of information around and in time she is able to make it fit.  Its hard to explain to a small child that her birthmother loves her but wont be there to sing her happy birthday.  I know D is thinking about her tonight and tomorrow.  Baby Girl is in full comprehension that just like her cousin grew in her aunt; she grew in D.  She is in clear understanding that D is important to her and her to D.  What I wish she didn't have to understand and thankfully she doesn't grasp it yet is that D truely was and is unable to be her Mother- but what she does understand is that D chose me to be her Mother.

This adoption thing is amazingly awesome with the same amount devastatingly sad.    Tomorrow is the day we celebrate her birth.  Tomorrow is the day three years ago it was just Baby Girl and her Mom.  Next week is the day I get to remember the moment our lives all intersected and I fell in love with her.

The first time...

Tonight baby girl for the first time said "I grew in Ds belly."  We were Skyping with my sister and brother-in-law.  I have asked her before if she knew who she grew in and could answer me.  This however was the first time she started the conversation.  She then continued to impress them in knowing that "it wasn't really her belly - I grew in her uterus."  That's my smart girl!  Lol

Where is J?

Tonight at dinner it was just Baby Girl and Me.  She out of the blue asked me "Where is J?"  "Who is J?" I asked making sure I was thinking of the same J she was.  "My PA Dad."  We have always referred to him as "Birthdad J" "Birthdad"  I was surprised she had been able to take where she was born PA and add Dad.  I told her he lived in PA.  When I told DH about the conversation he told me I should have said "I don't know."  Honestly that is the truth.  I gather though that he has rarely if ever left PA, but since I have not heard from him since she was 30 days old.  I really dont know.

Baby Girl the last few days has asked about my "other mother" and made some other comment about having two Moms.  Things are clicking in that little head of hers.  I don't know how much she really understands and how much she is just repeating things she has heard.  I have never referred to D as "her other mother."  I am strict with myself on my words I use so that I model positive adoption language.  It makes me wonder if she is starting to pick up on conversations others have with me or if she is putting her own words to what she understands.  Time will tell.

Today at the doctors I was asked if she had any siblings.  Her birthbrothers medical history is pertinent to this doctor since he also has had similar issues.  (yeah open adoption!)  I said yes she had birth siblings.  I got a blank look.  "Yes."  I repeated.  "She has a birth brother and birth sister.  Her birthbrother has the same condition she does."  The women then went on to talk about her family and how she has nieces and nephews that are adopted and all have the same birthmother but different birthfathers.  *eye roll*  I wish people would realize I don't bring it up unless I think it provides beneficial information.  Not because I'm ashamed of her adoption or her birthfamily but because I never know the conversation it will start in front of Baby Girl.  Sometimes I think I should just say that I have a 21 year old daughter and an 11 year old son in addition to Baby Girl (which would have made me 12 and 22 when I had them) because I honestly think it would be easier sometimes.



Baby Girls current suggestions for Baby names:
keckle (sounds like freckle with a K)
March (as in the month not the command)
David (for a boy or girl)